The Secret..

I am the masterpiece of my thoughts.
I am a magnet, attracting good health, wealth, people and happiness.
Whatever it is you are feeling is a perfect reflection of what is in the process of becoming.
What you think and what you feel and what manifests is always a match.
“You create your own universe as you go along”- Winston Churchill
It is important to feel good. Because this feeling sends out a signal to the universe and this would attract good things.
I am the creator if my own reality.
“What this power is, I cannot say, all I know is that it exits”- Alexander Graham Bell
Step 1: ASK
Step 2: ANSWER
Step 3: RECEIVE

Out of nothing and no way, a ‘way’ will be made

Take the 1st step in faith..you don’t have to set the whole staircase, just take the 1st step- Martin Luther King.

‘All that we are is the result of what we have thought’- Buddha

Gratitude- say thank you for things you already have
(Story: gratitude rock)

Visualize- when u visualize then u materialize
(Story: Olympics runner thinks about running the marathon and winning, ever muscle functions as if its really happening)

I am in the process of….
High position in an expanding company. I get to travel, make new acquaintances, enhance my interpersonal skills, and sharpen my knowledge.
My own car which takes me to places safely and economically
Loving & supportive family who stands by me every second.
Friends I can always trust and rely on. Friends who I share fun experiences with. Im also able to do fun activities with them.
I attend classes regularly to enhance my talent of singing & playing the veena.
Healthy lifestyle that creates a positive outlook in my appearance, boosting the confidence in me when in public.
A partner who gets along with me and family well. A person who communicates well with me, has the same wave length, someone I can tell everything too, who has a sense of humour like me, who enjoys the beauty of what life has to offer him

Welcome 2010

I am terrified by competition. I rather sit back and allow the other person to take the lime light without fighting. I rather am the average person instead of striving to be the best. However, I need motivation & pressure in order to work harder.

Year 2010, Im going to change all the below:
1. Follow a strict diet
2. Focus on work
3. Look for ways 2 better myself (Eg: education, course, knowledge)
4. Be more proactive.
5. Confident!

The next 2 year is to polish and groom myself to become a ‘near perfect’ woman!

I thought...

U will be holding me in ur arms…
U will protect me from the scars and wounds
U will stand by me through thick or thin
U will be sharing the castles I build in my dreams..
I thought u will be the ONE till d end

Lands to visit and visited

Visited
India (Kerala, Bangalore, Chennai)
Australia (Melbourne, Sydney, Perth)
Cambodia (Siem Reap)
Singapore
Thailand (Bangkok, Phuket)
Indonesia (Jakarta, Lampung)

To visit
Amsterdam
Egypt
Italy
Seychels Island
Hawaii
London
New Zealand
Maldives
Bali

Mother's prayers Dec'07

I watched him sleep again today. Growing so fast along the years, leaving behind the tantrums and chaos he created during his younger days. I knew, deep inside my heart that this is going to be a stubborn little one. Though, I also knew that he would be able to choose the right things in life and never give up.
With a cute chubby face, he would look eagerly into the kitchen to answer his mouth's cravings. The satisfaction of watching him enjoy his favourite dishes cooked by me is beyond words. With a mischievous smile, he would nudge me for extra pocket money without the knowledge of others, especially his stern father. yet, he never failed to take charge when with the smaller ones. i enjoyed watching him commanding the rest, despite him being a baby himself. So much responsibility at a small age.He showed his determination in his studies, just to prove to his father and obtain his toy in return. A little tyrant he was, quarrels with friends and their boyish rough games, which at times worried me due to his health.
I have missed out on many things in all of them. But, i do not have to worry about the rest as i know the he would never ever let his little ones down.I wish i could turn back time and change things. I wish to be there and see them grow, share their dreams, happiness and sorrows. Yet, the least i could do now is to sit by him every night without fail, stroke his hair and watch him sleep like a baby. I remember seeing his face for the first time, with twinkling eyes he looked into mine..wrapping his little fingers around mine. Now, he is an adult, who will find someone to replace then love i failed to shower him.
The time has come for me to go once again, to return the next day and all the following days just to see your face which always portrays hope and success. It brings back all the sweet memories I has when i was by your side long time ago. Fate is unpredictable my dear. It has shattered your heart and brought only disappointment to you.I am sorry my child, for leaving you without saying goodbye. I know that the bond we have would make you feel my presence whenever you need courage and faith. I would never let go of you again. You have always made your mother proud and never fail to put a smile on my face wherever I am. Remember one thing...when ever you shed a tear out of happiness or sadness, I promise to be with you...doing the same. I love you my son............

Kaani nilam vendum..

My dear Mother,
These I need from you.
Land, a vast expanse of it
Free and open like the mind you gave me.

In this land,
A home you shall build.
A home with pillars strong and pristine.

In this land,
a few coconut trees with cool leaves and sweet water
Placed at your will near the well.

In this land,
you shall give me the moon,
the distant bird and the gentle breeze
to touch my soul.

Thus when I lay,
a woman you shall give
a woman for my songs
of beauty, freedom and union.

In this land,
my Mother,
you shall stand protecting me.
Me and this soothing peace.

Give these my mother.
And then I shall in return
save this world of yours
with the magic of my songs.

I want to fly like a bird

I want to fly like a bird. I want to enjoy the panaromic view from above. I want to admire the beautiful creations god.

I feel like washing my hands off everything. Im tired and exhausted thinking off what is to come, what is right, how wrong are things, meant to be or not to be...

I feel like leaving things to HIS hands. I cannot handle this burden any longer

I want to feel light again

I want to be free from worrying and thinking about it over and over a gain like a merry-go-round

Predictions

Can our lifes be predicted by astrology? If yes, do we want to know those predictions? Or rather not know what is to come? If we do know what is to happen, then why go throught the whole process? What does it mean?Aren’t our souls going to leave this body someday..and erase all the memories we have in our lifes? When u start questioning more and more..u will come to realize that life is after all nothing. So, take everything with a pinch of salt. Face what you have to face. Make the best of what you have and what you get. After all, you soul is going to live this body one day…

to you i seek refuge

I sit here humbly under the sacred tree, off loading my all my heart's burden to you.
I catch the whispers of the leaves, as the wind blows.
I am here confused and afraid of the steps i take.
In my heart i feel your presence, answering my prayers.
I know i have you to wipe my tears.
I know i have you to give me courage.

I know that only to you i seek refuge...'mother'

Omana tingazh kilavo

Life has been a tremendous journey for me. Miss my homeland and its lushes greeneries always welcoming me like a mother’s embrace. The majestic thamburan’s elephants parading during the festive seasons decorated with gold, blinding the eye of on lookers.
The boat rides acha took me on the glittery back waters near our tharavadu. Sumptuous more kuutan made from fresh cows milk and coconut grated eeshery. I never could make the elshery as mouth watering as how amma prepared it. We (amma and I) will normally take an evening stroll to the yekshiamma kovil by the river down the walkway from our tharavadu for our evening prayers.

Acha was a respected head of the temple who dedicated his life as a slave to Lord Shiva. The temple was his second home. Being the eldest in the family and the apple-of-the-eye, he always wanted me to be someone who would help the needy and a saviour to the community. Thus, I was sent to another state to further my studies and to live acha’s dream. Never did I like this decision of his. How could I part from a place called home? I left with a bitter feeling. I remember Amma waving at me in teary eyes as I left my home for the first time to take an unknown path. Acha never showed any emotions, a person who stood tall and confident of his decisions. As he always say, ‘Never fear of what you may face life, as Lord Shiva will always keep an eye on his faithful children’. We were His children.

Years had passed at medical school. Gone are the smell of amma’s grated coconut on the kitchen stove, the clinging of temple bells at dawn kept fading little by little, sacred lamps lighting the temple grounds flickered smaller and smaller…All my senses could reach were strong mixtures of chemicals, patients crying, newborns and DEATH! Along the years, I begun to understand and appreciate the hospital because of my guru. The guru who opened eyes to medical successes, who made me feel semi-god for being able to save lives. He, who I hero-worshipped and promised to myself that I will be a successful life-saviour like him someday.

One day after the other, I became a part of the hospital and the hospital became a part of my world. Until one day, I received a telegram from home to return immediately. Without hesitating, I left for home with much confusion on the sudden request to return. Has something happened to Acha? Is Amma ok? Little did I know that, Acha and Amma had fixed my marriage with a young rich business man who lived at the neighboring region. The telegram was for me to attend my own wedding I was not notified off before hand. Home was never like how I left it. There were unfamiliar people rushing in and out of tharavadu carrying sacks of ‘arri’, ‘chakkas’ and ‘tengas’. Another bunch of people seated on a small temporary shed by the side, arguing on the best dishes to prepare for the event. The happiness on Acha’s and Amma’s faces oozing out when entertaining relatives and friends from far off lands. To add on to my misery, I was told to leave the hospital and to work at a small clinic near my new-found husband’s home.

My stomach churned with the sight of the commotion going on. I could hardly utter a word as my throat was chocked with this sudden preparation. My heart thumped harder as the day got closer. The only image that came into my mind was my guru….how I yearned to see his comforting face during this hard time……. (to be continued)





Many years have passed since his death and since I found a new companion, my books and my writings. I believe that those who stepped in my lifes and the turmoils of events that took place had a reason.

With Lord Shiva in my heart, showing me the path to peacefulness and serenity, I walk slowly back…..to my mother’s embrace...

what if..

A sudden thought crossed my mind as i was driving home last nite....what if, it ends just like wht is written? my eyes felt misty...heart thumping hard...i would not be able to take it.
aftr all that we have been through, the effort we have put in,the comfort we have..all just to throw it down drains? i wish i did not hear or know these facts (if it was true facts). although, i know that it may not be 100% true, there maybe some truth behind it.
Hindu astrology is not a merely a joke. it has been founded centuries ago, prophecies written by 'rishis' (people who are 1step closer to god). which have turned out to be true in many ways and also false, depending on how you interprete it.
To me, its a guide to help us avoid unwanted incidents, a guide to help us avoid unwanted outcomes or to prepare us for the best or the worst. At the end, what is supposed to happen will happen...and one has to face and accept the conscequences of life...fate has its own way of making things fall in its place.
but of course, I am praying for the best for the both of us...happiness together!

Emptiness

At times i fell empty..despite having everything i have. It may be because the only person who completes my day is him. and not being able to be with him all the time, leaves me by myself. My life has become so routine that there is nothing unpredictabel, accept of course the future which i fear off.

21 steps to success

1. Sincerity.
Be sincere in your actions. Don’t try to deceive or impress others. Be yourself, and do what you feel is right based on your values and beliefs. You will be surprised at how people accept you when you stop trying to be someone you aren’t.

2. Unfeigned.
Be genuine in what you do; your actions speak louder than your words. Don’t falsify or embellish events that may have happened. Don’t say one thing and do the other.

3. Wholehearted.
Be enthusiastic about what you do. Show it. Be committed to life and everything that you set out to accomplish in life. Devote yourself to your family, friends, and community and commit yourself to being the best father, husband, wife, mother, friend, and neighbor you can be.

4. Honest.
Be honest in your dealings with yourself and with others. When others interact with you, let them see someone who is reputable, respectable and genuine. Do what you say you will do and never use fraud or deception to get ahead in life. Let ethics, morals, and honor be your compass.

5. Heartfelt.
When you do something for someone, or they do something for you, let your thanks and emotion be openly and outwardly expressed towards them.

6. Hearty.
Be someone who displays an honest, warm, and exuberant personality to those around them. Let your feelings show and let them be genuine when they do.

7. Humility.
Don’t lead a life thinking you are better than others or are superior to those around you. Modesty and humbleness will leave a far more ever lasting impact on people than trying to show off.

8. Personal integrity.
Always follow your heartfelt values, and never let a situation or anyone steer you away from doing what you know is right. Be someone that people can look up to and respect and not someone who trades his or her moral values for material gains in life.

9. Incorruptibility.
Let it be known that you stand firm for what you believe in and that your morals, values and actions are not for sale. Don’t let outside forces corrupt the person you are.

10. Sound.
Show good judgment and sense in life. Don’t let prejudices or emotions cloud your judgment.

11. Whole.
Be focused on what you want to achieve in life. Give everyone you interact with your complete and undivided attention.

12. Courtesy.
Practice good manners even though others around you may not.

13. Civility.
Graciousness and respect go a long way in life. What is more, they are viral – when people see you doing it they are more apt to practice civility themselves. Be kind to others and extend courtesy towards them. Don’t interrupt people when they speak and don’t dominate the conversation.

14. Wisdom.
Gain from the wisdom that is inside you. Understand the inner qualities of people and learn how to understand situations that might be different than we are used to.

15. Charity.
Practice kind, gentle, and compassionate treatment of others – especially those who may be undeserving. Learn to extend a hand to help others, even though they themselves may not have helped you.

16. Empathy.
Be aware that each person is different and may have different values and beliefs than those that you hold. Be understanding of the feelings and thoughts of others without having to be told or reminded of them.

17. Sympathy.
Share your feelings with others and understand the emotional situations that people go through. Put yourself in their shoes.

18. Compassion.
When someone is in distress, reach out with a genuine interest in helping alleviate their suffering.

19. Altruism.
Think of others without thinking of yourself. Do good things for people without expecting something in return for yourself.

20. Magnanimous.
Be generous in life. Give of your time, money and wisdom. Share with others so they can see the true joy and adventures of life themselves.

21. Humourous (my addition)
Always see the funny side of everything in any situations!

What i want...and will achieve!

To visit foreign lands
To meet different kind of people
To learn new things
To enhance my knowledge
To be able to do whatever I want
To have confidence in myself
To make my parents proud of the decisions I make
To count each day as a blessing
To be honest with my feelings
To always look at the funny side of any situations
To have a partner who shares the same views as me
To build a loving family
To be a successful daughter, wife and mother

traffic light

To stop, get ready or to go?

To be or not to be?

being at a junction without directions..unable to decide what is best for the future.
especially when emotions are involved, it makes the process of deciding even harder.
but to be fair is best...and not to hurt one's heart longer...

:-(

you will always have a soft spot in my heart