I want to fly like a bird. I want to enjoy the panaromic view from above. I want to admire the beautiful creations god.
I feel like washing my hands off everything. Im tired and exhausted thinking off what is to come, what is right, how wrong are things, meant to be or not to be...
I feel like leaving things to HIS hands. I cannot handle this burden any longer
I want to feel light again
I want to be free from worrying and thinking about it over and over a gain like a merry-go-round
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Predictions
Can our lifes be predicted by astrology? If yes, do we want to know those predictions? Or rather not know what is to come? If we do know what is to happen, then why go throught the whole process? What does it mean?Aren’t our souls going to leave this body someday..and erase all the memories we have in our lifes? When u start questioning more and more..u will come to realize that life is after all nothing. So, take everything with a pinch of salt. Face what you have to face. Make the best of what you have and what you get. After all, you soul is going to live this body one day…
Monday, August 17, 2009
to you i seek refuge
I sit here humbly under the sacred tree, off loading my all my heart's burden to you.
I catch the whispers of the leaves, as the wind blows.
I am here confused and afraid of the steps i take.
In my heart i feel your presence, answering my prayers.
I know i have you to wipe my tears.
I know i have you to give me courage.
I know that only to you i seek refuge...'mother'
I catch the whispers of the leaves, as the wind blows.
I am here confused and afraid of the steps i take.
In my heart i feel your presence, answering my prayers.
I know i have you to wipe my tears.
I know i have you to give me courage.
I know that only to you i seek refuge...'mother'
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Omana tingazh kilavo
Life has been a tremendous journey for me. Miss my homeland and its lushes greeneries always welcoming me like a mother’s embrace. The majestic thamburan’s elephants parading during the festive seasons decorated with gold, blinding the eye of on lookers.
The boat rides acha took me on the glittery back waters near our tharavadu. Sumptuous more kuutan made from fresh cows milk and coconut grated eeshery. I never could make the elshery as mouth watering as how amma prepared it. We (amma and I) will normally take an evening stroll to the yekshiamma kovil by the river down the walkway from our tharavadu for our evening prayers.
Acha was a respected head of the temple who dedicated his life as a slave to Lord Shiva. The temple was his second home. Being the eldest in the family and the apple-of-the-eye, he always wanted me to be someone who would help the needy and a saviour to the community. Thus, I was sent to another state to further my studies and to live acha’s dream. Never did I like this decision of his. How could I part from a place called home? I left with a bitter feeling. I remember Amma waving at me in teary eyes as I left my home for the first time to take an unknown path. Acha never showed any emotions, a person who stood tall and confident of his decisions. As he always say, ‘Never fear of what you may face life, as Lord Shiva will always keep an eye on his faithful children’. We were His children.
Years had passed at medical school. Gone are the smell of amma’s grated coconut on the kitchen stove, the clinging of temple bells at dawn kept fading little by little, sacred lamps lighting the temple grounds flickered smaller and smaller…All my senses could reach were strong mixtures of chemicals, patients crying, newborns and DEATH! Along the years, I begun to understand and appreciate the hospital because of my guru. The guru who opened eyes to medical successes, who made me feel semi-god for being able to save lives. He, who I hero-worshipped and promised to myself that I will be a successful life-saviour like him someday.
One day after the other, I became a part of the hospital and the hospital became a part of my world. Until one day, I received a telegram from home to return immediately. Without hesitating, I left for home with much confusion on the sudden request to return. Has something happened to Acha? Is Amma ok? Little did I know that, Acha and Amma had fixed my marriage with a young rich business man who lived at the neighboring region. The telegram was for me to attend my own wedding I was not notified off before hand. Home was never like how I left it. There were unfamiliar people rushing in and out of tharavadu carrying sacks of ‘arri’, ‘chakkas’ and ‘tengas’. Another bunch of people seated on a small temporary shed by the side, arguing on the best dishes to prepare for the event. The happiness on Acha’s and Amma’s faces oozing out when entertaining relatives and friends from far off lands. To add on to my misery, I was told to leave the hospital and to work at a small clinic near my new-found husband’s home.
My stomach churned with the sight of the commotion going on. I could hardly utter a word as my throat was chocked with this sudden preparation. My heart thumped harder as the day got closer. The only image that came into my mind was my guru….how I yearned to see his comforting face during this hard time……. (to be continued)
Many years have passed since his death and since I found a new companion, my books and my writings. I believe that those who stepped in my lifes and the turmoils of events that took place had a reason.
With Lord Shiva in my heart, showing me the path to peacefulness and serenity, I walk slowly back…..to my mother’s embrace...
The boat rides acha took me on the glittery back waters near our tharavadu. Sumptuous more kuutan made from fresh cows milk and coconut grated eeshery. I never could make the elshery as mouth watering as how amma prepared it. We (amma and I) will normally take an evening stroll to the yekshiamma kovil by the river down the walkway from our tharavadu for our evening prayers.
Acha was a respected head of the temple who dedicated his life as a slave to Lord Shiva. The temple was his second home. Being the eldest in the family and the apple-of-the-eye, he always wanted me to be someone who would help the needy and a saviour to the community. Thus, I was sent to another state to further my studies and to live acha’s dream. Never did I like this decision of his. How could I part from a place called home? I left with a bitter feeling. I remember Amma waving at me in teary eyes as I left my home for the first time to take an unknown path. Acha never showed any emotions, a person who stood tall and confident of his decisions. As he always say, ‘Never fear of what you may face life, as Lord Shiva will always keep an eye on his faithful children’. We were His children.
Years had passed at medical school. Gone are the smell of amma’s grated coconut on the kitchen stove, the clinging of temple bells at dawn kept fading little by little, sacred lamps lighting the temple grounds flickered smaller and smaller…All my senses could reach were strong mixtures of chemicals, patients crying, newborns and DEATH! Along the years, I begun to understand and appreciate the hospital because of my guru. The guru who opened eyes to medical successes, who made me feel semi-god for being able to save lives. He, who I hero-worshipped and promised to myself that I will be a successful life-saviour like him someday.
One day after the other, I became a part of the hospital and the hospital became a part of my world. Until one day, I received a telegram from home to return immediately. Without hesitating, I left for home with much confusion on the sudden request to return. Has something happened to Acha? Is Amma ok? Little did I know that, Acha and Amma had fixed my marriage with a young rich business man who lived at the neighboring region. The telegram was for me to attend my own wedding I was not notified off before hand. Home was never like how I left it. There were unfamiliar people rushing in and out of tharavadu carrying sacks of ‘arri’, ‘chakkas’ and ‘tengas’. Another bunch of people seated on a small temporary shed by the side, arguing on the best dishes to prepare for the event. The happiness on Acha’s and Amma’s faces oozing out when entertaining relatives and friends from far off lands. To add on to my misery, I was told to leave the hospital and to work at a small clinic near my new-found husband’s home.
My stomach churned with the sight of the commotion going on. I could hardly utter a word as my throat was chocked with this sudden preparation. My heart thumped harder as the day got closer. The only image that came into my mind was my guru….how I yearned to see his comforting face during this hard time……. (to be continued)
Many years have passed since his death and since I found a new companion, my books and my writings. I believe that those who stepped in my lifes and the turmoils of events that took place had a reason.
With Lord Shiva in my heart, showing me the path to peacefulness and serenity, I walk slowly back…..to my mother’s embrace...
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